One Month

Dear Kori-

You have reached the ripe old age of one month, and I'm already learning so much about you. It may not come as a surprise to you, but you are very different from your sister in many ways. This is a good thing, that you are both so special and unique. But even though I like to think that I'm pretty smart, it's taking me awhile to learn that we need to parent you differently than we parent your sister. I suspect we'll always be figuring this out - how to do what's best for each of you, especially when that may look very different and may not seem like we're being fair. Please know that we're trying to give you what you need based on you, and not on making things completely even between you & your sister.

You will probably laugh at the things I choose to worry about, but honestly I'm currently convinced that you sleep too much. Really! You are doing so well and sleeping for such long stretches of time (3 hour naps, 5 or 6 hours at night), that I wonder if you're eating enough when you're awake or at times if you're still breathing. I think you get some of this from your Dad. He is an incredibly deep sleeper, and you certainly don't seem to be bothered by any noises when you're out. Anyway, I guess I'll always be looking for things to worry about. I'll do my best to keep it from getting out of control, and I'm working on just enjoying you instead.

And there's a lot to enjoy! I didn't really know what to expect you to be like other than knowing you probably wouldn't be like Jenny. We didn't even know if you were a boy or a girl. So I've really loved getting to know you. I love your eyes, the way you look around as if you're completed surprised by the world and everything you see, the way you sleep on my chest after you eat, and pretty much everything about you. Maybe that's why I worry about your sleeping - I'm anxious to get to know you more and you're rarely awake for us to "talk"!

I'm rambling now. Hopefully in the future I'll have more interesting things to say about what you're doing and what's going through my head. Right now I'm just in awe that you're here with us finally. And I consider myself incredibly blessed to be your mom.

love-

Mama

Beginning

Dear Kids,

I'm still new at this parenting thing (< 2 years in), and as I go I'm realizing that it's not getting any easier. So since you may look back on this venture and wonder what on earth I was thinking, I thought the best way to begin would be to explain why I feel the need to do this in the first place.

First, I hope this will be a useful record of what I am thinking. There are days when I wonder that about myself, so maybe this way we'll all be able to figure out what happened. But also, I'm keenly aware that there's no way I'm going to be able to remember everything I want to tell you. Everything from cute things you said or did, the number of times I got supremely annoyed at you, or just words of wisdom I want to pass on - there's no chance that my brain can hold it all. So here you go - all of that in one big everlasting gobstopper for your personal consumption.

So then why share all this with anyone & everyone who cares to read it? Well, because I'm also learning that parenting is a lonely journey sometimes. It's so easy to assume that everyone else has it all figured out and that you're the only one struggling to get out of your pajamas by dinner time. But you know what? You're never alone. Really. There is always someone out there somewhere who knows what it's like, who has been there before. (There's my first piece of wisdom by the way.) By making this all public I'm hoping that I'll find other parents out there who can reassure me that I'm not crazy after all, and I'm also hoping that others will get that same reassurance from me.

I certainly don't have all of the answers. In fact I don't believe that's even possible. Instead I give you this - my process, my journey, my story. Welcome aboard little ones. It's going to be a bumpy ride, but I'll be there with you the whole way.

Love always,

Mama